Chapter 42

Karen and Sidney got home a little while later after a long quiet car ride. Sidney tried to talk to Karen but every time he looked at her, she was staring out the window lost in thought. When they walked in, Karen went into the living room and sat on the couch staring at nothing. Sidney watched her and went to sit beside her.

"It's going to be ok baby. We can still look for someone else, we'll still do this."

"I know we will" she said wiping away the stray tear that fell "but it's just a shock right now. I woke up this morning happy and everything was going in the right direction for us, then BAM, in a blink of an eye the rug got pulled out from under us."

"I know baby" he said rubbing her shoulder. "We're going to get past this, just tell me you believe me."

Karen looked at Sidney with tears streaming down her face "I do believe you" she said. Sidney reached his hand up and wiped away the wetness off her cheeks.

"Good" he said as he let her lean into him so he could hold her until she felt better. After sitting there for what seemed like hours, Karen moved to sit up.

"I guess I'll go get dinner started."

"Baby, why don't we go out tonight?"

"I don't think I'm up for going out and being around people right now."

"Then why don't we pick a place and call for take out."

Karen smiled "that sounds good." They decided what they wanted and made the call. Sidney left to go pick it up and Karen stayed home, waiting for him to come back. She sat on the couch and thought about what happened and the tears flowed again. She wanted a baby and she wanted to give Sidney a baby so they could really feel like a family.

Sidney came back a little bit later and they ate dinner with limited conversation. After a while, Karen decided to go up to bed and left Sidney alone in the living room. He got out his phone and called the one person he could talk to.

"Hello."

"Hi mom."

"Sidney, I was hoping you were going to call. How did everything go today?"

"Not too well. It didn't happen."

"What do you mean it didn't happen? What went wrong?"

"We went to do the procedure and found out that Natalie was already pregnant with her and Max's baby."

"Oh Sid, I'm so sorry. How's Karen taking all this?"

"She's obviously hurt about it but I'm worried about her. She seems to be shutting down on me."

"Well it's got to be a shock to her right now. She had high hopes about all this and to be disappointed like that, it's going to be hard on her...and you."

"Mom, I'm fine about it. Yes, I'm sad and disappointed but I know we can try again or even adopt now and have our own later. It's just going to be hard to explain that to Karen."

"She'll come around Sid. Just give her time to come to terms with this on her own. You force her to face it too soon and it'll hurt more in the long run."

"That's what I'm afraid of. So you guys coming down for a few days?"

"Yes, we'll be down Friday and stay until Sunday. Don't want to wear out our welcome with Karen and how's she's been feeling."

"Sounds great but she may need the added company. Just think about it ok. I'll let you go and give my love to dad."

"I will and give our love to Karen, she needs it right now."

"I will and thanks mom."

"Anytime dear, night."

"Night mom" he said then hung up. Sidney got up and locked up before going up to bed. When he got up there, he saw Karen in bed and she was facing the other way but Sidney saw her shoulder shake as she was obviously silently crying. His heart broke knowing there wasn't anything he could do for her until she was ready to accept everything. Sidney got ready for bed and crawled in. He lied there on his back for a second before he turned and spooned up behind Karen and draped his arm over her body, holding her until they both fell asleep.

A few days later Sidney, Karen and his parents were sitting around eating a late lunch before needing to go into the arena. They were all talking about different things but of course the conversation ended up on hockey.

"Anxious son?"

"Not really, it's just like any other game."

"You know the nerves will set in about 30 minutes before game time" Karen said to get a smile from Sidney.

"You know me all too well baby" he told her to get a smile back.

"Why don't you guys go relax for a while as Karen and I get the dishes done" Trina said after awhile. Sidney and Troy went into the living room as Karen grabbed some dishes and went into the kitchen. She was starting to wash them off as Trina brought the other dishes in.

"Karen, I know you've been putting on a brave face for us but how have you been, really?"

"It's been hard mom" she said with a sigh and fighting to hold back tears.

Trina noticed her sadness and went to comfort her "I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to start anything. I just wanted to know how you were."

"It's ok" she said wiping away a stray tear "I just can't help feeling like a failure right now."

"What did you fail at?"

"All of this. Being a full time wife to Sidney, not being able to give him his own child, thinking how much more is he going to take before he ends this."

"Karen, Sidney loves you no matter what. He's going to fight for all this to happen for both of you. When have you known my son to give up on anything? He tried hockey and never gave up, look where he is. He fell in love with you and with all of mine and Troy's pushing, he never gave up wanting to be with you. A lot of couples experience problems like this and you found a way to make it happen. Yes, it's going to take time, but it will happen for you two."

"I'm sorry, but do you know how sick I am hearing that from everyone? Sidney, my friends, now you. Yes, in time it'll be all fine and dandy. Yes, in time the hurt will go away. Yes, in time we'll find someone else to be the surrogate and finally get our baby. Right now, I get to watch my best friend be pregnant and know that the end result isn't for me like it should be. I want to be so happy for her and I try to put on a brave face when I see her, but I just want to avoid her and hope it all goes away."

"I didn't mean to get you upset honey and I wish I could tell you I know what you're going through but I can't. But you can't keep all of this bottled in, you need to talk to Natalie and Sidney. Tell them what's going on and how you feel. They're going to understand and not judge you for feeling like you should."

"Maybe you're right" she said getting a hug from Trina. They finished up the dishes and joined the guys in the living room.

A little while later, Sidney and Troy left to go to the arena as Karen and Trina would head over their normal time. Karen took what Trina said to heart but seeing Natalie at the game would be hard.

"Hey girl, ready to get this party started?" Sheril said coming in the suite.

Karen just smiled and walked over to her. "I love ya girl and you know that but Sid's parents are here this weekend and I need you to tone it down to about a 3."

"Oh all right, but if they're out of ear shot, it's game on."

"We really need to get your husband off the road and home more often."

"Or you could just set me up with a Penguin hottie and all will be right with the world."

"And you'll be cheating on Steve again. Do you really want to chance that again?"

"No, but a girl can dream. Wonder if any of them are swingers?"

"Oh god it's going to be one those nights" Karen said walking away laughing and shaking her head. As she went to get something to drink, Natalie walked in and saw her then looked down to pour her drink in a glass.

"So this is how it's going to be tonight?" Natalie asked as she walked over to Karen.

"No and I looked down to make sure I poured into the cup and not on the table."

"Karen, it's been weeks will you please talk to me."

Karen sighed "I'm trying to deal with all this Nat. Do you really think this is easy for me?"

"I know it's hard on you..." Natalie started to say but when most everyone was watching them, they walked out to the front of the suite and sat down in the seats overlooking warm ups. "Karen, listen to me. I know you're mad at me and you do have that right, but I need you to help me through this."

"And just push all hurt aside while doing it? Can you truly understand how this is affecting me? I was pregnant and loved the feeling and the thought of becoming a mom, then to have it ripped away so far into it, it took a lot of time to get over."

"I know it did and can't imagine how you got through it."

"But I did get through it in my own time Nat. I am so happy for you and Max, please don't think I'm not. We had this all planned out and then it just got ripped away from me again."

"I know. Just believe me that Max and I didn't plan this. After I decided to help you and Sidney and when we got home that night we had a huge fight. When I finally got him to see my side and how it was a good thing we made up" she said with a smile that got Karen to smile too. "I knew I should have made him wear a condom or pull out before..."

"Ok, TMI and don't really need or want the details" Karen said putting her fingers in her ears.

"Sorry" Natalie said laughing.

Meanwhile, down on the ice Sidney was stopped at the boards and was looking around. He looked up at the suites and saw Karen talking to Natalie. He smiled when he saw them laughing and knew they were getting things straightened out. Soon Max skated over to get Sidney's attention.

"Shouldn't you be focusing on these little black things and not the beautiful women in the stands?"

"You know there's only one beautiful woman my eyes focus on Talbo."

Max searched the suites and saw what he was looking at "it's good to see they're talking again. I thought this would make Karen definitely hate me and lose her best friend because of it."

"Karen was hurt by the outcome but her and Natalie's friendship has been through worse and they got through that."

"When Nat wanted to do this I was so angry at her. She put her feelings of wanting a baby for Karen ahead of wanting to start one with me, her husband. I guess after our fight and we made up, I guess deep down I wanted to make sure it didn't happen. I'm sorry Sid."

"It's ok Max. If the roles were reversed I would have done the same exact thing. Karen will be alright, I'll help her through this."

"I'm sure you will" Max said with a wink and a sly smile before skating off. Sidney just looked at Karen one last time before skating off himself.

After the game, Sheril and Diane headed home as Karen and Natalie went down to see their husbands. Troy and Trina had talked to Sidney briefly before Karen gave them the keys to her car as she would wait for Sidney and head home with him.

Everyone was leaving and Karen knew Sidney would be the last one as usual. When she saw Dana walk out, he told her Sidney was getting out of the shower and give him a few minutes. Karen smiled and nodded as she sat in the lounge. After a few minutes, she heard a noise and walked into the locker room.

"Hey stud, great game."

"Hey baby, I thought you left?"

"I gave my keys to your dad and decided to wait around for you. Can I get a ride home?"

"I'd love nothing more" he said smiling at her "but before we go, come with me for a minute." Sidney took her down the runway and to the bench. "I saw you and Natalie talking before the game" he said as Karen sat on the bench and Sidney leaned up against the boards facing her.

"Yeah, she approached me when I got a drink and it just went on from there. Everyone was watching us, so we went out to the seats to talk."

"Looked intense at one point but then seemed to lighten up."

"It did."

"So, everything good between you guys now?"

Karen looked up at Sidney and knew what he meant. She stood up beside him and looked out at the ice "I'm sorry Sid but I can't just turn my hurt off like a light switch. Yes, you saw me smile and laugh with her but that doesn't mean all the hurt went away with it. To see her and her stomach growing, that baby is not for me, for us" she said wiping away a stray tear. "I don't want to feel like this Sid. I want to be happy for my best friend. I want us to be us and be happy and make love every night like we used to."

"Well, not every night. We do need a break every now and then, that's why there are road games" he said hearing a giggle from Karen. "I'm hurting about this too baby but you see it as just you. I can understand you not being in the mood to cuddle or kiss, even make love but don't shut me out when I'm going through this too."

"I know" she said louder than a whisper. "I don't mean to but being without someone for so long, when someone or something hurts you this is how I've dealt with it. I guess for a moment I forgot you were there."

Sidney turned to look at her and saw the tears now flowing down her cheeks. He brought his hand up and rubbed her back "baby, I'm not saying all this to make you feel worse. This is the most we've talked about this and it took all this to bring it out."

Karen turned her head and look at him "maybe after you get back from your road trip this week we can sit down and find an agency to help us."

"I would love that" she said turning her and pulling her to him "but you need time Karen. Don't rush to find another baby to fill the void of us not having ours. Let's just curb it for a little while, let everything get back to normal for all of us and then we can start over."

"You're right. I don't want to end up hating an innocent baby if all these feelings return after adopting one. Why do you put up with me? I'm such a mess."

Sidney smiled "because I love you." He leaned in and met her lips with a soft kiss that got a little more heated as they stayed locked together. "Maybe we need to head home" he said after pulling away.

"I think we should. We have a little catching up to do." Sidney gave her another kiss and they headed out.

After they got home, Trina and Troy were in the living room watching TV when Sidney and Karen walked in. Sidney took off his jacket and tie, loosened a couple buttons on his shirt and sat down talking with his parents for a little bit. A little while later, Karen and Trina went off to bed as Troy and Sidney stayed up to talk.

"Karen been ok with everything?"

"She'll be ok. We got a chance to talk tonight before coming home. She's been on her own for so long, it's natural for her to deal with it how she's dealt with it all these years. It's a shock to us both right now."

"You know when you told me about wanting to have a baby, I did have my reservations but then I figured it would be good for you guys. You have your career to where you want it. You found a great woman to be with and to take care of you. I think having kids would be great for you both."

"Thanks dad, I appreciate it. I'm glad you like her."

"I do think of her as a daughter now and she's been good for you. Why don't you head to bed and get some sleep, need your rest before your trip."

"Thanks dad, love you" he said hugging him after they stood up. They headed upstairs and went into their separate rooms.

Sidney walked into his room quietly as he saw Karen in bed. She was facing his side and he smiled before going into the bathroom. He came back out in his boxer briefs and climbed under the covers.

"You and your dad have a good talk?"

Sidney smiled and turned towards Karen "yeah, he's always been there when I needed advice."

"Your mom gave me some and I know I was rude to her when I snapped back. I've apologized but I never should have talked to her like I did."

"She's knows how you feel and what's going through your head baby. I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it. But don't push her away either. If you feel like you can't talk to me, call her. She's a mom, she's been through everything. It's going to get easier with time, let's just see where it takes us."

"I love you. Haven't said it in a while but I do."

"Well I know I have said it and hadn't heard it back but you know I love you too."

Karen moved into Sidney's body as he wrapped his arm around her back. Their lips found each other again and this time, the missing passion had found it's way back to them, Sidney managed to move away and undress Karen. He threw her clothes on the floor and took his boxer briefs off before closing the gap between their bodies again. Sidney managed to roll Karen onto her back and she made a move to spread her legs so Sidney could fit. There didn't seem to be a rush from Sidney as he wanted to make sure this time meant something between them. Karen moved her hands over his back and around to his chest and stomach as Sidney would kiss over her neck and down to her breasts, lightly sucking on each one. Karen would arch her back, giving him better access as her moans filled the room. As Sidney continued his assault on her breasts, he snuck his hand down and lightly rubbed over her swollen lips, taking time to pinch her clit between his fingers. Sidney smiled into her skin when he felt her buck her hips up into his touch. He got a little rougher with the rubbing before sliding a couple fingers inside her slick opening. Karen's breathing got a little more erratic and she couldn't stop her hips from moving into the rhythm Sidney was doing inside her. He left her breasts and kissed his way down her stomach, soon replacing his mouth where his fingers had been previously. Karen let go of Sidney and grabbed a handful of sheets on both sides as the sensations ripped through her body.

"Oh god Sid" Karen said gasping for breath.

Sidney crawled up her body and laid on top of her, holding his hard shaft mere inches from her heated core. "You haven't felt anything yet baby." He just looked into her eyes and saw them pleading with him to do what he wanted. Karen leaned up and kissed him and Sidney pushed his hip forward and entered her with ease. Sidney didn't want to rush this as knowing the feeling of being inside her was going to make him explode in a second.

"Go slow Sid" Karen whispered as she felt him stretch to fit inside her.

Sidney smiled and kissed her "trust me baby, I feel no need to rush this."

The kiss lasted as he began to move inside of her, as slow as he can handle. Sidney would pull out, and push back in stopping after he was completely inside of her and holding there for a minute before repeating his actions. After a few minutes, he would go a little faster, picking up the pace and getting a rhythm going between them. Karen rubbed her hands up and down Sidney's back, stopping to dig her fingernails into his skin. As the sensations began to grow inside her, Karen moved her hands over his ass and helped push him deeper inside her. When her orgasm peaked, Karen dug her nails into the sides of Sidney's hips, letting out a soft moan as she came. Sidney kept up his pace until he came himself, then milked every thrust to get every drop out. He dropped his head into her neck and stayed on top of her until both their breathing slowed back down. Karen let out a sigh and then a tear rolled down her cheek. She went to wipe it but not before Sidney saw it.

"You ok baby?"

"Perfect."

"Then why the tears?" he asked wiping away the wetness from the other cheek.

"I guess I just didn't know if this would ever happen between us again."

"I'm sure we would have made love no matter what baby."

"Sid, the last time we made love after everything that happened, it was like a race to see who came first. It wasn't this passionate or emotional between us."

"I know and I had been afraid to even approach it so I never made advances until you were ready. I'm kind of glad it was after this long, kind of worth the wait" he said with a sly smile.

Karen smiled back as they met their lips together "I don't think we'll have a problem after tonight."

"Good, now get some sleep so you're not overly tired for tomorrow." They shared another kiss before Sidney rolled off her and brought her close as they drifted off to sleep.